If You Have a Queen (or a King)

We won our first match Saturday night in the heads-up poker tournament at The Red Barn. Then we lost two in a row -- the second stolen from us when an all-in opponent caught a flush on the river. But even before the games began, we saw something disturbing.

"It's your f***ing cards or your f***ing wife! Your cards or your f***ing old lady!"

The woman didn't look that old at all -- but she was angrily in a man's face, claiming he'd promised to stop coming to The Red Barn for poker nights. After a prolonged chewing-out, a bouncer stepped between them and persuaded the woman to leave.

"Would you want to go home to that?" the mostly-silent man then asked the room. Most of the men seemed to take his side.

"Did you promise her you wouldn't come here?" we asked the man.

"Yeah," he admitted. "But that was before she went out on her own all day long, doing her thing.... I stayed at home, spent nine hours cooking a Boston Butt, got drunk.... And then she comes home and says I have to spend all night with her?!"

We've never been married, so we don't claim any personal expertise in marital relations. But we know a good source of advice for couples, so we'll quote from it:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.... In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. -- Ephesians 5:25, 28

The love Jesus showed was truly an "all-in" sort of love. And He did it despite the fact that we're far from perfect people.

Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. -- Romans 5:7-8

The love Jesus showed was sacrificial (a word worthy of another post). He put our need for salvation ahead of Himself -- being self-less as opposed to self-ish.

Card-playing actually might be one sign of a troubled marriage. We've known of husbands who play cards "with the boys" late into the night, while wives wait at home and internally churn over what's happening to their relationship. The men practice avoidance; the women seek loving attention.

In this case, we personally think the husband made the wrong choice. If he made a promise, he should stick to it -- even if it made him look like the official club wimp. After all....

The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. -- Psalm 145:13b

A happy "Queen" in the home is better than two Queens in the pocket anytime.

(If you dismissed all this after reading we've never been married, we encourage you to read this article by a man who's had a happy marriage for decades.)